Category Archives: Rants
The other night, like I always do, I was watching reruns of “Friends” on late-night TV (Shut up! That show never gets stale!) and as I was drifting off to sleep, I saw this commercial:
In my half-dozing state, something didn’t sound quite right to me. It was that damn word, “sublime.”
Are you kidding me?
Listen, L’Oréal Paris! You’re not gonna impress me with yer fancy French accent. You’re not some upscale designer brand…you’re the fucking hair line that I buy in my local drugstore. That you pronounce it sub-leem makes me roll my eyes and and laugh at you.
But what I really wonder is why you changed your campaign to include this different pronunciation. I was doing a bit of research on YouTube today and found this earlier ad:
What gives, Frenchy? Do you think Americans are so easily duped that they’ll buy a product simply because it sounds European?
Perhaps some are, but not me!
Well! Glad I could get that off my chest.
If you need me, I’ll be at good ol’ Seattle-based Starbucks enjoying an Espresso Macchiato.
One reason why I’m asking has something to do with that SOPA bill that everyone seems to have forgotten about by now. This is not my club sandwich. I lifted it from a site I discovered while Googling “club sandwiches” because – obviously – I didn’t have the patience (nor the lack of appetite) to photograph my own club sandwich before devouring it myself.
I rely on Google images quite often to illustrate these pages full o’ words because, honestly, the eyes get tired and need a visual break from time to time. Also, I have a broken, sucky camera.
So, thankfully, SOPA has not yet passed, and WordPress will not shut down because I stole – ahem, “borrowed” – a sandwich from someone else’s site.
Would it help if I mentioned the site right now? Perhaps link to it? Because this post is not really about the Stop Online Piracy Act, but about the club sandwich itself.
While I wasn’t really interested in all the details about the history of the Club, I did want to know whose stupid idea it was to include a third piece of toast in the sandwich. Unfortunately, the article is rather vague about this fact and seems to suggest that the third piece of toast is optional.
Why am I so angry about an extra piece of toast?
Well, let’s get something straight. I’m not angry, per se. That would be really insane!
It’s just that this particular type of sandwich is too damn big to fit in one’s mouth without the bacon falling out. And fallen bacon is indeed a tragedy.
And what if I was in the mood to share but didn’t want to give up an entire quarter of the sandwich? There’s no way to split it without making the recipient of said sandwich hang onto a leaf of lettuce or a tomato because of the odd number of toast slices.
I know Americans like everything bigger, and would probably cry in protest if that one piece of toast was removed from their beloved, iconic sandwich. So my suggestion is to add another piece of bread to even up the score. Don’t ask me how that would affect the ratio of meat, lettuce, and tomato. That’s a challenge for another day.
Or perhaps the real challenge would be to figure out how to stuff a quadruple-decker club into your mouth without making a mockery of your dignity.
But we’re up for the challenge, aren’t we? For those who aren’t ready to take on this task, it provides a wonderful opportunity to share. And who doesn’t like sharing?
Well, some of our U.S. Congresspeople, that’s who!
And that, folks, is how you circle round to a point you made thirteen paragraphs ago.
(AND WHILE WE’RE AT IT, MAKE FRIENDLIER SANDWICHES!)